Start with the month, then look beyond it

A birthstone gift works best when it feels chosen rather than simply ticked off a list. The traditional stone for someone's birth month gives you a natural starting point, and it carries a quiet bit of meaning that a generic piece never quite manages. But the month is only the opening move. The real question is whether that particular gem suits the person who will be wearing it.

Here are the most commonly used birthstones in the UK, with alternatives where they exist:

• January: garnet — deep reds through to a soft raspberry
• February: amethyst — from pale lilac to rich violet
• March: aquamarine, with bloodstone as the traditional alternative
• April: diamond, or rock crystal for a similar look at a gentler price
• May: emerald — the classic choice, often given in a smaller size
• June: pearl, with moonstone and alexandrite as alternatives
• July: ruby — the most romantic of the reds
• August: peridot, or spinel in a range of colours
• September: sapphire — blue above all, though fancy colours are worth a look
• October: opal, or tourmaline for something more hard-wearing
• November: topaz, or citrine for a warm golden tone
• December: turquoise, with tanzanite and zircon as alternatives

If their birthstone happens to be one they have never liked, the alternatives exist for exactly that reason. A December baby who dislikes blue can be given tanzanite; a June birthday can be marked with moonstone rather than pearls. Nobody is offended by a thoughtful substitute.

Match the gem to the jewellery they already wear

Before you buy, picture their jewellery box. Someone who wears the same three delicate rings every day will not suddenly start wearing a heavy cocktail piece, and someone who loves bold statement earrings may rarely reach for a fine chain. Let their existing habits guide the format.

• Rings: the most personal choice, but also the most exposed to knocks. Best for harder stones such as sapphire, ruby, diamond or garnet, and ideal if you know their size exactly.
• Earrings: studs and small drops are safe, comfortable and suit almost everyone. They are also a good home for softer stones like opal or pearl, which rarely take a beating on an earlobe.
• Pendants: a bezel-set pendant protects the edges of a stone beautifully, making it a sensible option for emerald, opal or turquoise. It also sits close to the heart, which is not a bad thing in a gift.
• Bracelets: charming, but they knock against desks, door handles and keyboards. Choose a sturdy stone, or accept that it will be an occasional piece.

Get the metal right

Metal choice matters as much as the stone, and it is often the detail people notice first when a piece is worn. Yellow gold flatters warmer skin tones and suits garnet, citrine and ruby particularly well. White gold and platinum keep the focus on the stone and look crisp with diamond, aquamarine and sapphire. Rose gold sits warmly against most skin and pairs beautifully with morganite, pink tourmaline and pearl.

Look at what they already own. If every piece they wear is yellow gold, a white gold ring will spend its life in the box. If their ears are sensitive, check that earrings are made from a suitable alloy rather than plated base metal, which can wear through and irritate. Plated finishes are fine for occasional wear but rarely last on something worn daily.

Think about how it will actually be worn

Practicality separates a gift that gets worn for years from one that gets apologised for. Gemstones vary widely in hardness, and that affects where they belong. Diamond, sapphire and ruby will take almost anything. Emerald, aquamarine and amethyst are perfectly wearable but prefer a little care. Opal, pearl and turquoise are softer still and dislike perfume, hairspray, chlorine and knocks.

Ask yourself a few honest questions. Will it be worn every day, or saved for occasions? Does it need to survive gardening, gym sessions and small children? If so, a pendant or a pair of studs in a durable stone will serve them far better than a delicate ring. Setting style matters too: a bezel surrounds and protects a stone, while tall claw settings show more of the gem but catch on knitwear. For rings, sizing is worth confirming — many jewellers will resize within a range, but it is easier to get it right first time.

Choose quality over size, and finish it thoughtfully

A smaller, well-cut gem with good colour almost always looks better than a larger, cloudy one. Ask to see the stone in daylight if you can, since shop lighting flatters everything. Check that the colour is even, the surface free from visible scratches, and the stone set securely with no movement in the setting.

Finally, the presentation carries real weight. A handwritten note explaining why you chose that stone for that month turns a lovely piece of jewellery into a keepsake. If you are engraving, keep it short and check the spelling twice. Confirm the returns and resizing policy before you buy, particularly for rings, and keep the receipt and any gemstone certificate somewhere safe. Get those details right and you will have given something far better than a birthstone — you will have given something they will wear.